Feeling like Throwing in the Towel

I had a bad day today. There, I said it! It's one of those days where I've been avoiding blogging because I know I'm going to end up sounding like a whining complaining mess. But in the interest of maintaining my honesty, you might have to endure some whining and complaining:(

Truth be told I've been struggling with some issues of my own lately and coupled with the other issues dealing with the kids, I feel like my load is getting to be a little too heavy. I have dealt with muscle spasms and back/neck problems for about 10years, they come and go, sometimes lasting a few days, sometimes a few weeks. It seems like these issues have caught up with me in a major way. I can't say it is any big surprise...lots of stress + lots of lifting = back/neck pain! Matt and I both agree that it is time for me to get to the bottom of things and figure out how to manage this pain. Now I just have to find the time to take care of me. It sounds silly, but there just isn't ever time to go and get XRAYs done or get to the doctor. But I know I need to because the pain is really limiting every part of my day. I'm not living my life with the joy that I want to have because of pain and that stinks! I haven't wanted to discuss all of this on the blog because I want to keep the focus on Brady and our family, but it is affecting me and my attitude, and I wanted to keep it real with all of you:)

Today started off as any other and ended with yet another child sick! Cara's rash seems to be getting better, however the Prednisone is making her crazy (think rabid animal!!) So we stopped giving it to her. I have an order for a blood screening to test for some of the major food allergies. Allie continued to have a runny nose throughout the day and woke up very grouchy after her nap. After dinner Matt and I looked at each other and both knew that this reminded us of her "ear infection" cry. So, I got a 7:30pm appt with the doctor and off we went. On the way there, I was driving on the expressway, and all of a sudden I heard her gagging and start throwing up. She was really struggling to get it out of her mouth because her seat is still rear-facing and sort of reclined. I couldn't see her and was very scared because all I could hear was choking and gagging. I managed to pull over on the side of the highway and found her just covered head to toe in vomit. Ughh...Luckily I had grabbed an extra outfit! I cleaned her and the car seat up and put her in one of the other three seats (one of the advantages of having 4 kids!) When we got to the doctor she noted that Allie had some dark "suspicious" looking fluid behind her right ear. Given her history of ear infections, she gave me an antibiotic and sent us on our way. We both figured that the vomiting might have just been a fluke because she was crying in the car. She is very upset and I can tell she hurts, but she finally settled down by about 9:30pm...poor baby.

So there it is. Yes I feel down, sorry for myself, and just tired of drama around here. It's funny when you "survive" such a crisis as a child with cancer...you almost feel like you should never let anything get you down again because you still have your child! But life continues to throw curve balls, doesn't it? And Megan is just a flawed human, complete with frequent pity parties, pessimism, and my share of bad days. I'm praying tonight for God to restore my spirit and to strengthen me so that I can be the best I can be for my family. I feel far from it!

Are you Brady's Mom

edited: I fixed the link to the Alex's Lemonade Stand information!!

It's official, I've lost my identity to my two year old son. In the last week while out in public, two people have asked me,"Are you Brady's mom?" It really cracks me up! Listen Brady...let's not forget you still wear diapers and I can outrun you! At least for now:)

Today's Health Report: Everyone is feeling pretty good around here! I have to spread the word about the magic diaper rash remedy that a blog reader told me about (THANK YOU SHELLEY!) I squirted a whole tube of Desitin into a tupperware container and added some Maalox liquid antacid (probably about 3-4 tablespoons). It is amazing! Her little bum is looking SO much better. I also have started her on Culturelle which is an over the counter probiotic which restores the good bacteria to her digestive system that the antibiotics have stripped away. She still has some diarrhea, but much better than the past few days. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for her and for all of the good advice!

I have finally put together some information about our Alex's Lemonade Stand. If you are interested in helping, you can CLICK HERE. Also on the blog is an official Alex's Lemonade logo that you can click on to find out more about the organization.

Sleepy

I was out late tonight at a rock concert (really I was). At the last minute I decided to join my brother at a concert sponsored by my church. It was like serious head-banging music...I felt old and a little out of touch. There were two Christian bands (both did great!) that performed and in between I got to speak to the crowd briefly about Brady. We sold some Brady bracelets and coupon books that were left over from the Wendy's fundraiser. Any money that has been raised recently and anything we do additionally over the summer will all go towards our Alex's Lemonade Stand donation for pediatric cancer research!

Please pray for Allie as her stomach is not tolerating the antibiotic well at all. I need to call the doctor in the morning and see what they want to do. My poor baby... Brady was "throw up" free today, and despite being a little grouchy, is getting back to himself.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Could it be that Brady is starting to feel better. I'm happy to report that Brady broke his 5 day throw-up record but holding everything down today! I can't say he was back to himself, quite the contrary. He was pretty grouchy all day and very picky about eating. I really hope he will start to feel better soon! We have one PT appointment next week, then a 2 week summer vacation. Allie continues to feel better everyday, although her stomach is quite sensitive to the antibiotic.

Other interesting news today. There was a bank robbery about 4 miles from our house in the "next small town over." The bank robbers somehow ended up on foot, two were apprehended, and one was running loose somewhere within 2-3 miles from my house. Of course I had no clue this was going on, after all they don't interrupt Imagination Movers or Sesame Street with such breaking news. So at nap time, I headed up to Target, while my mother in law stayed with my sleeping kids. When I saw a state trooper and about 20 police cars and media along side of the road, I got a little nervous. Twenty seconds later when my van was being searched by the state trooper while he held a shot gun, I thought maybe I should call my mom and see if she knew what was going on. Once I heard the big news, I called home, told Sandy to lock my doors, and continued to Target. This bank robber wasn't going to stop me from hiding out for an hour or so at my little oasis. The whole way home I saw state troopers at each field with shotguns and binoculars. Come to find out robber #3 was apprehended along that same road I was driving on within minutes of me driving by. All of this excitement in our little neck of the woods...By the way, I've heard the robbers apparently got their get-a-way car stuck in the mud somewhere and while "escaping" on foot they left a money trail behind them. HA!!!

Well, plans for the lemonade stand are in full swing! Here are a few more details:

Dates: September 6th (Sunday) and September 7th (Monday-Labor Day)
Location: Oakfield Labor Daze Celebration at Triangle Park
Times: Sunday 10:30-10:00pm and Monday 10:00am-9:30pm

In the weeks ahead, I'll be looking for volunteers to work 2 hour shifts. We will also be coming up with a list of products that we need and would like to find donations for. I should be receiving my planning packet from the foundation any day. So excited!!!

If you haven't already, please check out the video that I posted yesterday! There is also a link to the Alex's Lemonade Stand on the right side of the blog where you can click and read a lot more about this amazing foundation!

Sick of Sick

Williams family health report:

Brady--threw up in a big way at 8:20am, is clingy, looking white as a ghost, canceled PT for today

Allie--was up constantly throughout the night, lots of gunk draining from her ear. Took her to the doctor, the verdict? Double ear infection and a ruptured ear drum on her left side. A stronger antibiotic, with "upset stomach and diarrhea" as side effects. Wonderful...

Cara and Eli---doing great!

I made an appointment for Cara to see a different eye specialist on July 8th. I feel good about it and hope we get to the bottom of things. There are so many people around me going through far worse right now. When I feel bad for myself, I think about the dear families with children at Sloan who right now, today are battling for their child's life. I just have to keep plugging along and be thankful that we are all here, together:)

Here is a link to an article I wrote for the Make a Difference To One site. You can check it out HERE Remember to scroll down.

What was I saying about enjoying driving?

It figures that I would say yesterday how I enjoyed driving Brady to PT two times a week because I get all of that "thinking time." Today I spent 5 hours in the car! I took Brady to PT this morning and he had another great session! Linda, the PT, is doing a great job of taking a close look at what skills Brady is lacking and how to work specifically on improving those areas. We have determined that his left leg is quiet a bit weaker than the right. It's hard to know if this is a permanent neurologic injury due to the tumor that was compressing his spinal cord, or if he will be able to recover and build up his strength so that his gait is completely normal one day. Only time will tell, but I know Brady can do it, and I know for SURE God can do it!

After our drive home the day carried on as usual...then after nap time Grandma Sandy and I noticed that Allie was really grouchy. She rarely cries, but today she was just crying terribly and seemed to be in pain. After trying to soothe her for a few hours, we decided that maybe she had developed an ear infection since she had the family cold last week. I got a late appointment at the doctor for 7:30. But by dinner time at 5:30 she was crying so hard and was totally exhausted. I decided to pack her up and leave at 5:30 and just drive! She fell asleep and I drove around until about 6:45. I showed up early to the appointment and got in by 7:15. Sure enough, she has an ear infection. I dropped her off at home and then drove to get her antibiotic. Finally we are all home and hopefully she will start feeling better tomorrow! Poor baby...it's terrible to see my happy girl so sad!

I think I've had enough driving now :) Glad to be home in my bed!

Just thought of a few more Brady updates: His surgery will be June 5th...no luck at moving up the date. The scans and reports arrived in NY today and have been passed on to Dr. to review. My new contact person at Sloan is great. She followed up on my concerns regarding the histology results we are waiting for. She isn't sure why the results aren't in and has asked that the tests be resubmitted. That's all for now!