Feeling like Throwing in the Towel

I had a bad day today. There, I said it! It's one of those days where I've been avoiding blogging because I know I'm going to end up sounding like a whining complaining mess. But in the interest of maintaining my honesty, you might have to endure some whining and complaining:(

Truth be told I've been struggling with some issues of my own lately and coupled with the other issues dealing with the kids, I feel like my load is getting to be a little too heavy. I have dealt with muscle spasms and back/neck problems for about 10years, they come and go, sometimes lasting a few days, sometimes a few weeks. It seems like these issues have caught up with me in a major way. I can't say it is any big surprise...lots of stress + lots of lifting = back/neck pain! Matt and I both agree that it is time for me to get to the bottom of things and figure out how to manage this pain. Now I just have to find the time to take care of me. It sounds silly, but there just isn't ever time to go and get XRAYs done or get to the doctor. But I know I need to because the pain is really limiting every part of my day. I'm not living my life with the joy that I want to have because of pain and that stinks! I haven't wanted to discuss all of this on the blog because I want to keep the focus on Brady and our family, but it is affecting me and my attitude, and I wanted to keep it real with all of you:)

Today started off as any other and ended with yet another child sick! Cara's rash seems to be getting better, however the Prednisone is making her crazy (think rabid animal!!) So we stopped giving it to her. I have an order for a blood screening to test for some of the major food allergies. Allie continued to have a runny nose throughout the day and woke up very grouchy after her nap. After dinner Matt and I looked at each other and both knew that this reminded us of her "ear infection" cry. So, I got a 7:30pm appt with the doctor and off we went. On the way there, I was driving on the expressway, and all of a sudden I heard her gagging and start throwing up. She was really struggling to get it out of her mouth because her seat is still rear-facing and sort of reclined. I couldn't see her and was very scared because all I could hear was choking and gagging. I managed to pull over on the side of the highway and found her just covered head to toe in vomit. Ughh...Luckily I had grabbed an extra outfit! I cleaned her and the car seat up and put her in one of the other three seats (one of the advantages of having 4 kids!) When we got to the doctor she noted that Allie had some dark "suspicious" looking fluid behind her right ear. Given her history of ear infections, she gave me an antibiotic and sent us on our way. We both figured that the vomiting might have just been a fluke because she was crying in the car. She is very upset and I can tell she hurts, but she finally settled down by about 9:30pm...poor baby.

So there it is. Yes I feel down, sorry for myself, and just tired of drama around here. It's funny when you "survive" such a crisis as a child with cancer...you almost feel like you should never let anything get you down again because you still have your child! But life continues to throw curve balls, doesn't it? And Megan is just a flawed human, complete with frequent pity parties, pessimism, and my share of bad days. I'm praying tonight for God to restore my spirit and to strengthen me so that I can be the best I can be for my family. I feel far from it!