I love it that Matt has been home with us for most of the past 3 1/2 weeks. He is heading back to work tomorrow until Brady's next round of chemo (Feb 24th). Everyone who knows us, knows that he is an amazing daddy. He does way more than his fair share and always has. I don't have to ask, he just does. Yes we squabble about the details (anyone who knows us, knows that too!) but he is the rock of our family, and without him I just don't know how I would make it. I seem to have little break downs every few days and his strength in my weakness just amazes me. I pray every day that I can be that way for him. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, when Matt is home, he always turns the radio on in the play room in the morning. We listen mostly to K-LOVE a national Christian station. Recently we both starting talking about this song Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real. It's an amazing song and it just speaks to us both, right in the middle of all this. Here are just a few words:
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
I think those words can speak to so many of us, no matter our circumstance. My battle every day is surrendering to what I can't see. I can't see the cancer inside Brady, I can't see the chemo working in his body. I can't see the future for him and for our family. I just keep praying that God will give me the courage and the faith to give in to His plan, let it go, and find that peace in chaos. Somedays it is easy to find, other days I have to look a little harder.
Not too much to update on with Brady today. His appetite is still very off, he will eat a lot of some things, like graham crackes today. He does not eat a lot at mealtime. His sweet spirit continues to bless us all. The daily rituals involving his Broviac are very difficult for him, they are really the only time he cries. I went and bought he and Eli matching baseball hats today. His hair could fall out anyday and I knew all of last year's hats would be too small.
Please pray for us as Matt goes back to work tomorrow. Pray for Matt too:)