I decided that today was the day I would try and get a urine sample from Brady. I've known that we need to redo his HVA/VMA levels because when we did them October the lab was unable to get one of the values. One of the tests came out in the normal range, so we have every reason to believe that the other value will be normal as well. I have an appointment in Rochester tomorrow, so I thought I'd try and get a sample today so I could drop it off at the lab tomorrow.
Because Brady isn't potty trained, collecting his urine is very tough. It involves sticking a bag to him and hoping that when he pees it goes in the bag. He hates this process (who wouldn't?) so we always try and do it while he is under anesthesia. As I carried him into the nursery to explain things to him, it hit me. This Brady is a VERY different Brady than he was months ago when we needed to do "procedures" every day. Back then, he was still a "baby." There wasn't a lot of explaining that needed to be done. Mostly we just had to distract him and console him when something hurt. Well, I realized as I looked at him, that he is so much more aware of his world, understands when something not normal is going on, and needs a lot more than just distraction to comply with something like this. I quickly told him that Dr. Korones called and told me that he needed to have some of his pee pee so that he could make sure everything is okay. He looked at me like I had three heads, and then I showed him the bag. He instantly got upset, almost like he remembered the look of sterile packages and those types of things. I was able to talk him down and promised him it wouldn't hurt. We got the bag on and about an hour later when I checked, he had a good sample in there. When I went to put it in the sterile cup, Brady REALLY looked at me like I had three heads. He sees me putting pee into a cup, then looks at me and says, "Dr. Korones not drink pee pee in the cup!" Oh Brady, mommy just about dropped it and ruined everything!
All afternoon I thought about this whole scenario. It was really no big deal, but yet, it just dragged my heart right back into the days of harder times. But just as fast as I started feeling awful about what we have been through, I thought of how blessed I am. Thank you God that all I had to do today was collect pee from my child. Thank you God that I didn't have to flush a Broviac coming out of his chest, or change a dressing that ripped at his skin, or watch as nurses pull out a chest tube from his tiny body. Thank you God that it wasn't the day that chemo dripped into his body as I sat and watched, and thank you God that tomorrow will be as normal as today was for my boy.
There are SO many families dealing with those realities today. And I say this not to sound condescending, but you have NO idea how awful it is until you have to deal with it. I don't even know the horror of some families who have lived this life for years. And there are families out there doing these things every day with the full knowledge that the cancer is not going away.
As the CHRISTmas season begins, I feel so differently about things this year. Just to have us all here, in this house, brings me the greatest joy. I'm so blessed to share the wonder and miracle of CHRISTmas with my children. Matt and I say everyday how excited we are about this year.
Thank for listening to my ramblings tonight. I'm so glad to have a place to share my feelings as I continue on this journey...