Monday, October 12, 2009

Finding My Way

It has been one of those type.delete.type.delete kind of nights. I always almost feel bad when I blog about the darker side of things. I don't want to be a downer, but I also always want this story to be told with truth, honest, as best I can.

Truth be told, my heart is heavy on this cold Monday night. I struggle with how much of this "cancer world" to let into my life. I keep up with a handful of different families that I have read about in the last 10 months. I have read about their treatment, ups and downs, victories...but now, all of a sudden, it seems like things are going wrong for a few of these families. This is where my struggle lies. When I read about the agony of parents having to decide to stop treatment, relapse after 2-3 years cancer free, children breaks me into a million pieces. I feel my faith being shaken by these children and their suffering...I ask the "why" question. I try and figure out what makes these kids different from my own. I get on my knees and ask God to restore my broken faith so that I can pick up and go on.

I will continue to check in on these families. Yes, it's painful, it's awful, and it can be discouraging for me. But it is real, their struggle is real, and I can't ignore this world that God has shown me. I can pray for these kids and their families, as SO many have prayed for us. Thank you for continuing to support us, pray for us, and read this crazy little blog of mine. I know it is a roller coaster, but it is an honest roller coaster.

As always,
Megan, work in progress


  1. You wrote exactly what I was thinking today. I read the blog whose link you posted about Pierce. It's funny how you can feel like you know someone you've never met by following what they write. It's heartbreaking to hear he lost his battle. Please don't let it get you down. Enjoy what you have right now in your beautiful and funny children. It truly is a blessing an a miracle.

  2. Megan

    Don't worry about blogging dark thoughts. When the light is shining again, it is so empowering to read back and see how well you coped with those not so fun times.

    Stay strong.


  3. Meg,
    Your amazing honesty is something we all can learn from. You have given me strength because of your love of the Lord. I’ve been fighting with my beliefs, I’ve struggled to understand and except. But through your love for God I feel drawn to God, more and more everyday. Thank you for your honesty! Your family is ALWAYS in my prayers!
    Christina S.

  4. Gray days bring gray thoughts. Pray, hope, don't worry, be calm, be certain.(Thanks to Father Art for that mantra.) Easier said than done, but we will focus and pray!
    love to all,

  5. I agree that writing all your thoughts dark or otherwise is the best way to deal with them. By shedding light on them literally, you are allowing God into to guide you with His light!

  6. The only way people will know how to pray for you is if you share where you need it.
    I prayed for you to have continued faith and strength.

  7. HUgs. I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this.

  8. Meg,
    Your honesty is real, you are real. May God watch over you and your family and provide you with the strength you will need. He knows each tear, each trouble, each need. May He remain constant in your real journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight and in future nights. God Bless~ Heather

  9. Hi Megan,

    It is we who thank you for allowing us into your lives, hearts, thoughts (even the bad thoughts) Because you share so honestly with us every aspect of your journey with cancer and children we are better able to grasp the continuing battle so many fight each and every day. I know that your blog is a constant strength for many. Keep up the good ministering, God is watching over you. Prayers continue.


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